The Ego Episodes

Friday, Apr. 29, 2005

Neighborhood Anecdotes (bonus: a story in Bisaya)

I thought about writing a story in Bisaya (my dialect) just for the fun of it, and even if the story is not really funny, it reads funny because … basta. It just is, for me. Then I thought, it might alienate those who don’t understand Bisaya (hi, Tim!) so I decided that I’ll just post that story at the very end of this entry (with translation).

In my hometown, we have these little stores called sari-sari (literally: mix-mix) stores. The sari-sari store only occupies a section of someone’s house, so it is relatively easy to start one. In a subdivision, you have a handful of these stores, sometimes separated by fewer than ten houses. They sell the basics: candies, biscuits, Chippy, cooking oil, soy sauce, vinegar, Coke, San Miguel Beer, Red Horse, Tanduay, Ginebra – I have just listed a few of the teams in the Philippine Basketball Association (PBA) – rice and even sanitary pads. Convenient, huh?

I hated being asked to go and buy stuff from the sari-sari store. Even if it only takes me less than 5 minutes to find a store, I am paranoid that a neighbor’s dog will attack me. Yes, these dogs are allowed to roam freely in the neighborhood. One time, I was asked to buy beer and I adamantly told my father, no, I’m not going alone. My younger sister was asked to accompany me but in the end, she did the job and I did the accompanying.

You see, on our way to the store, a black dog barked at us. I mean, AT ME. My sister just walked on holding the empty beer bottle, ignoring said barking dog while I froze. Literally. I stood there, feet refusing to take one more step. I was so scared, I thought that was the end of me. So: I cried. I wailed like, forever, and did not care whether I’m embarrassing myself in the process. I was desperate for someone to save me. That someone was my sister. She came back from buying the beer and slowly defrosting myself, I followed her silently, fearing that the dog might follow us. The dog, however, just stood there, but still barking, and only stopped when he/she couldn’t see us anymore. I was thankful for my brave sister. I, however, am a wimp.

I thought dogs are the scariest things one could encounter in going to our neighborhood sari-sari stores. But guess what? There are other scary things out there. One time, I cannot recall what I was sent for, but I know I was on my way to the store. I passed by my neighbor with lots of flowers in their balcony, then a neighbor with the noisy turkeys and from out of nowhere, A TURKEY STARTED CHASING ME! I AM THAT ATTRACTIVE, PEOPLE!

I am not kidding, a turkey, about my height, started going after me and I had no choice but to run, but apparently, you couldn’t outrun a turkey. So, when it caught up with me, THE TURKEY TOOK A BITE AT MY THIGH before my neighbor came in to shoo the prodigal turkey back to their yard. And my neighbor? She’s like, “Huh? Tsk tsk tsk ... OH,” before she noticed that her turkey just attempted to take a bit of flesh from me.

Now you’re asking, what did I do to make the turkeys attack me? I didn’t do anything! Even though I thought the turkeys were ugly, I was not thinking about it when I passed by my neighbors. Was I secreting some sort of hormones that will make turkeys aggressive? I don’t know! I was just walking, minding my own business, expecting no attack from any animal, especially, TURKEYS. I mean, who gets attacked by turkeys?

And now, the Bisaya story about one of my sari-sari store trips.

- Ayo! (walay nitubag) [nobody answers] Ayo! (wala gihapon)[still no one] AYOOO!!!

- Hulat sa! (mga isa ka minuto nilabay) Unsa man? [ Wait! (about one minute passed) What?]

- Palit daw ko ug toyo bali singko. [I want to buy soy sauce for 5 pesos.]

Gikuha sa babae akong baso na dala. Gipuno niya ug toyo (bali singko) ug gihatag sa ako ug balik. Nitan-aw siya sa ako ug nangutana. [The girl looked at me and asked:]

- Di ba naay nakapuyo sa inyo kanang batan-on na lalaki? Unsa to nimo, ig-agaw? [Isn’t there a young man living in your house? Who is he, is he your cousin?]

- Lalaki? [A guy?] (naghuna-huna ko kadali) [I thought for a while] Aaah, si Angkol Jun? Angkol man to nako. [Aaaah, Uncle Jun? He’s my uncle.]

- Mao ba? I-regards ko ha (dayon pahiyum). [Is that so? Can you send him my regards? (then smiles demurely)]

- Ha?

- Ingna regards, gikan sa ako. Ingna siya ha. Regards (pahiyum usab). [Tell him, “Regards, from me.” Tell him, ok? “Regards” (smiles demurely)]

- O sige. [Okay.]

Kay bata pa man ko ato ug uto-uto, gi-ingnan pod nako si Angkol Jun maski wala jud tawun ko kabalo unsa ang pasabot sa “regards”. Dako kaayo katawa ni Angkol Jun pag-ingon nako ug gitugtan ko niya, “Ingna rebound!” Balik na pod ko sa tindahan kay uto-uto lagi. [Since I was still a kid and can easily be fooled into obeying orders (uto-uto) even though I have no idea what’s it for or what it means, I readily told Uncle Jun about the girl in the sari-sari store and that she wanted to say “regards” to him. Uncle Jun grinned upon hearing this and told me, “Tell her, rebound!” I went back to the store because I am an uto-uto.]

The funny thing is that in those days, “regards-rebound” is equivalent to saying “I am interested in you.” Doesn’t make sense, but it’s true. When I became older, and it's my turn to get the "Regards daw from blah blah", I just cringe at the un-suaveness of the whole thing and will not even dignify it with a response.

Point though: I miss home.

{ joycie at 6:17 p.m.}