The Ego Episodes

Latest Five
I May Be Out of Here Soon - Sunday, Aug. 21, 2005
Home Alone - Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2005
What's Your Star Sign? - Monday, Aug. 15, 2005
Politics. Headache. - Thursday, Aug. 11, 2005
Sentosa Outing 2005 - Wednesday, Aug. 10, 2005

Thursday, Aug. 26, 2004

Introspect

I'm sneaking in a few minutes of writing before I go about my list of readings for today.

I've been up since 7:15 am. It's always a delight to be waking up so early, when the sun, faintly illuminating the sky, just rose. I just had my breakfast: Nescafe Frothe + Ghirardelli and a slice of strawberry cheesecake baked by my boyfriend. Yup, you heard it. My boyfriend baked a cake. A creamy, flavorful and addictive cheesecake (and my friends concur). For the second time, actually and no, you can't have him.

Following the best breakfast of the week, the urge to write hit me. I had some random thoughts yesterday and you have no idea how random they are:

- I have been seeking happiness at the wrong place.

- Why do I feel like crying? I should be happy and comfortable with the way things are going.

- Where did all the empty benches go? There are people everywhere. That's it. This school is getting smaller every year. School, stop taking in so many people every year without expanding the canteen first. McDonald's isn't just some ordinary stall. People flock to that place to eat. Give them seats.

- It makes me feel good if I accomplish something (aside from breakfast) before 9 am.

- I haven't been writing much. It's killing me inside, I think.

- Is this PMS?

- If this goes on, I should just blog instead of writing full-length journal entries.

I've been telling people (when the topic comes about, of course) that I've stopped drinking coffee. Not really. I'm down to one cup a month. And those who knew of my affection for the beverage were like (after asking, "But why???" To which, I answer, "Because coffee takes away some calcium from your body everytime you pee (and at this point, I get looks of "Really??? Huh?") and since I haven't fully recovered from my injury, I could use all the calcium."), "But how do you ever survive???" I always say, "I don't know... I try not to think about it." In my mind, though:

I try not to think about it, so that I won't feel sad and sober and boring. So that I'll continue to have the illusion that nothing has changed, nothing has been taken away from me and I'm still the same person.

But I think I'm not. Or maybe it's because of this year. I realized this is my last chance to get everything right, to give it my best so that I can be proud of myself, so that I can say to myself, I made the right choice in coming here.