The Ego Episodes

Thursday, Apr. 21, 2005

Reality Bites

Gone are the days of just waiting for money to pop into my bank account because my scholarship stipulates that they cease supporting me after I leave school, and fairly so. As I let go of my “student” status, I will be left to my own devices, building a career, staying afloat, blah, blah, blah, responsible-adult-cakes.

I am sooooo bored! I should channel this writing frenzy I seem to be afflicted with into making cover letters to go with my resumè, so that I’ll get hired already. But I’m in no mood for job hunting because: exams. Even if I want a job right away, I’m starting to get wary of the pressure stemming from the fact that I’ll be dead broke by the end of this month because: hostel rent.

I know, I asked for independence, and I still want it. It's just that it can be a killer potent source of woes. I’ve wandered into the “broke” territory a million times since I came to Singapore but this is different. I am no longer entitled to a bi-annual scholarship allowance. Gone are the days of just waiting for money to pop into my bank account because my scholarship stipulates that they cease supporting me after I leave school, and fairly so. As I let go of my “student” status, I will be left to my own devices, building a career, staying afloat, blah, blah, blah, responsible-adult-cakes.

Everything was exciting at first. I have no problems with my modules; my project is kind of smooth-sailing (because of my passion to simplify things, more than anything else); I am allowed to keep my hostel room until June 30, so that should give me enough time to land on a job, without worrying that I have to squeeze out about twice as much money if I had to rent a place outside school; I am not terrifyingly broke, all I needed was to finish my exams and I’ll be on my way to becoming a self-supporting adult.

Optimistic thoughts they may be, they were conjured before complications became apparent in my mind.

• Job – How hard is it to find a job these days? The papers keep on reiterating about the growing economy and the superfluity of jobs in Singapore. Does that include jobs related to materials engineering? I don’t see it. Well, maybe not yet. My school claims that 9 out of 10 of their graduates get employed within 5 months after graduation. Um, 5 months is too long, as you will soon find out.
• Student Pass – It expires on December this year. However, I cannot hold a job with this pass. I must have a more adult-sounding pass like Employment Pass or Permanent Resident. Solution: I must have a job. Again, item no. 1 is highlighted.
• Passport – It expires June this month. I am speaking calmly as I could but inside? Insanely stressed. How am I going to do item no. 1 if I become an illegal foreigner? Solution: Go to the Philippine Embassy and (beg them to) renew my passport after exams.
• Place to sleep, bath, eat, etc. – I’m basically homeless after June 30. The school can’t take me, period. Solution: Find a place outside school, preferably near to my yet-to-be-determined workplace, and with friends. Again, this will be done after exams. Source of anxiety: Whether or not I’ll have a paycheck in time to pay for rent (because no, I don’t want to ask from my parents.)
• Hostel Rent – It made a serious dent on my finances. See first paragraph.

As you can see, I tend to worry excessively. I have stated solutions (all of which are to be done after exams) and they are doable. It’s just that I know things could go NOT my way and I don’t have a solution to the possible, and not entirely unforeseen, crap. In fact, I may have left something out in the list. The point is: I want to work here. I have a computer loan to pay and it will take me years and wrinkles before I could pay for all of it if I work back home. The other reason is, of course, personal. I want to stay here.

To my juniors reading this, THIS is what you will be dealing with when it’s your turn to graduate. The best solution, really, is to be aware of what’s going to happen and then take preventive measures. Like, if I could turn back time, I would’ve saved more money. Yes, a year earlier would be great.

Life, she treats you kind but sometimes she gets all sorts of crazy.

{ joycie at 6:43 p.m.}