The Ego Episodes

Thursday, Oct. 16, 2003

The Tummy Returns

October 15, 2003

No, my tummy's fine. I just want to use that title in the wake of my previous entry, The Tummy.

During morning tea break today I said, "I used to be very silent in high school. You know, I think first before I speak. But now I guess, my processing time before speaking is cut in half. You think I don't think, but I do. It's just, I think faster now." And the fellow sitting beside me just took a sip of his milk tea, probably thinking how much more nonsense from me does he have to up with. Know Garfield? Picture him. Sipping tea.

As much as I like making conversations with people (sometimes with people I hardly know), I think that sometimes (okay, oftentimes) I'm just too much. Did I just hear a unanimous "Aye!"? That is why I write. And sing. I need to channel my vocal energy somewhere. But that's not my point. I've been told that I'm tactless and loud --- by my friends. To a stranger, I'd appear worse off.

I just realized that it's kind of weird to ask someone you've only known for about three months (and never really conversed with for more than 5 minutes per day) about his love life. Isn't it? [go one octave higher] Isn't it? (Go ahead Jus, comment.) But he answered my questions anyway -- without much hesitation, I think. Had there been a Kaypoh Queen, she would've been extremely proud of me and asked me to replace her.

So this morning, it was with much discomfort that I've attempted to practice the Art of Keeping My Mouth Shut (Without Being Told) -- for like, 2 seconds. And boy, was that hard!

(Note: Couldn't finish the entry for several reasons, none of it, makes sense. Just imagine you're reading a blog.)

October 16, 2003
I Don't Blame You If You Stop Reading This Instant

But wait. You're still reading this? Cool.

Today feels like the first day I came to Singapore. I have no one to talk to. And to think I was just boasting about my conversation prowess. I just, well, I barely know anyone here. We don't have enough shared experiences (or tv shows) to dissect and laugh at. I, myself, was at a loss for one of my unexpected quips that would necessarily earn a pause, before breaking into an "Are you serious?" look from anybody who happens to hear what I just said. In other words, today was a remix between a Charlie Chaplin movie and a Bjork music video (Oh, so quiet!) -- in mute.

Without so much as a blank stare, I've successfully mastered the Art of Keeping Your Mouth Shut (Without Being Told) -- for today, at least. And to complement everything, I may have somehow left my appetite somewhere between my walks to the school library these past three days. I couldn't bring myself to eat a full meal of rice, meat and vegetables. I just had fried fish soup, which was okay, except that its effect will fade around 4 pm (or earlier).

Wow. Even reading what I just wrote bored me. You too, huh?

I must be getting old. Yes, that must be it. That, or I may have accidentally swallowed some substance capable of sedating a laughing hyena and reducing its crude, gaping, toothy mouth to a demure Monalisa smile.

3:57 pm: "Grrrr," says my tummy.

{ joycie at 8:52 p.m.}