The Ego Episodes

Saturday, Dec. 13, 2003

It's a Long Story

December 8, 2003

Monday

Hello there. What am I doing updating when clearly, there's something wrong with my diaryland account. I still can't change my template. At first I thought it's because my roommate's computer's (Liam -- my computer's name (shut up) -- is still on indefinite hiatus) settings do not allow me to change my template. But when I tried it this afternoon in one of the computers in my office, I still couldn't change my template! I've tried copying and pasting blocks of code to the Change Template textbox and every time I hit the 'change template' button, my index page just goes blank. Zit. Nothing. Then I hit the back button to check if there's something I need to edit in my template and I find that there's none! Not a single character is inside the textbox where my template is supposed to be! Empty! Blank. I may have to move my journal to another host soon because layouts are a big deal to me. (Okay, to those not familiar with Diaryland: sorry for the boring details.)

A Simple Plan

Plans are handy. I had a good one yesterday. Have an early dinner, memorize my scores, and go to bed early. Simple. Very doable. And yet, I chucked it out all of a sudden. I made a choice though so it's no one's fault but mine and I didn't exactly dislike the outcome of my alternative 'plan'. In fact, I had fun! Too much fun.

I was already at the memorizing part of my plan when Jussy asked me if I wanted to go out to KFC to eat. Since I was, at that time, already bored with listening to the midi files that I had to learn, I decided to go. I had a light dinner earlier, so my plan was not to eat more than french fries. R-iiight. After finishing my fries, I decided to ditch the plan and ended up ordering a 2-pc chicken meal with all the side orders changed to fries. See how my plan expanded? Literally? Who orders a gigantic meal at 10 pm?!? I'm such a pig.

Went back quite late and past my bed time. I was too full to sleep that I decided to sweat it off with a badminton game. Well, games. Did the insane thing and played till about 2 am. Now how did I let that happen? How? I had this crazy notion about myself that I could go to work, without sleeping the night before. And that I have infinite supply of energy. And because I could always rely on coffee, I let that happen. Because I'm stubborn. So I went to work sleepless. I tried to sleep during the mrt ride, but of course I couldn't. I felt really woozy at some point in the journey but then I had to get off the train so I had no choice but to wake myself up and shake the wooziness. One bus ride later, I sat in my desk, thinking of getting me a half day. And of course, I wasn't allowed to. So I was stuck in the office for the whole day. I could still work, but just thinking of the choir practice afterwards just makes me want to collapse right in my cubicle. Singing can be pretty tiring to the point that you'll hate it and yourself for doing it. I'm just thankful that I don't have that splitting headache I normally experience during episodes of tremendous sleep deprivation. I could still sing. But I suppose it will feel like I'm killing myself.

Realization of the day: Yes, I am killing myself. I so need to rest. Not having another sleepless night, again. Ever. (Um, this week, at least.)

December 9, 2003

Tuesday

I am not sure if it's the coffee talking but I'm beginning to like this day a lot -- and it's just lunch time. My eyes feel heavy, though and ... I'm not cranky. Right now most people have gone to take their lunch while I'm still in my cubicle, basking in this feeling of solitude (although, not really, it's just that I don't see and hear people walking around) -- it's sort of liberating.

I was dead tired last night. Choir practice felt forever before it finally ended around 11pm. Now if I didn't have to go to work (and wake up early, etc.) the next day, that would've been fine. I could still watch a movie in my room or play badminton. But I do have work the next day and 11 pm is just way too late to be doing anything other than sleep. Factor in the fact that I didn't sleep the night before and had to stay the whole day in the office before going straight from work to choir practice only to sing for three more grueling hours and you can just imagine how exhausting yesterday was for me. I am one day short of sleep and that matters a lot.

Yesterday, at work, as I was almost falling off my seat from sleepiness, I had to take a coffee break in the afternoon. Morning was fine. I was surprisingly alert and functioning like someone who got his required 7 hours of sleep. But at about 2 pm, I couldn't keep my eyes open. I stopped moving and let sleep take over. Except, I wasn't really sleeping because I couldn't. I'm one of those people who cannot take short naps or sleep in inappropriate venues, e.g. office cubicle. So I was left with no choice but to jolt myself awake by getting me a cup of coffee from the vending machine. It made the rest of the afternoon a little bit easier to take.

Went straight to practice after work. I knew that one cup in the afternoon wouldn't be able to sustain me for the three hours of practice I still have to go through and thought of getting another cup at the school canteen. But alas, the canteen was already closed for the day and I started formulating excuses in my head if asked why I can't sing (or stand up straight). I was just tired and in dire need of sleep. Teary-eyed, I remembered there was a vending machine somewhere in the canteen. I found said vending machine and nearly cried tears of joy. I was saved!

Caffeinated, I rushed to the practice venue where my conductor was already training some girls. I got scared. Minutes after, it was my turn. Even more scared. Luckily, I was able to do (sort of) what my conductor asked me to do. Unluckily, because of that, I was asked to sing in front of everybody several times. Well, okay, here's what happened:

Conductor: (after I sang several notes) Wah! I never thought this girl could sing so well.

Joycie: But I didn't know I could sing with this voice! I never use this voice when I sing.

Conductor: Oh my goodness! I should've trained these girls (sopranos) a month ago!

You cannot imagine how elated I was. But of course, that still doesn't make me a really good singer. Using The Voice to sing our pieces kind of takes a lot more work than I thought. I was put in front (from the back row) and because of my new position, I was an easy target for my conductor to pick on --- which I welcome, considering that I'm still learning BIG TIME. I was inspired by this newfound potential that I want to do better. On the other hand, I hope I wouldn't dwell so much on the pressure that comes with it.

Funny how I started with mentioning how I like this day and then end up talking about yesterday! Well, the point of that discourse on yesterday's events is that today, I'm still tired. Although I managed to sneak in about 6 hours of sleep last night, I am still short of one night. Anyway, today's lunch was fun.

I met STH and Berilacchub for lunch. Since they arrived late, I had a super late lunch -- 1 pm (normally, 12 noon). I tried the food court's traditional Laksa (different from Penang Laksa, which I have yet to try) and found it to be not as good as the Ban Mian, to which I am currently addicted, thus rendering its inclusion in my list of favorite things in Singapore. I know I could find a better-tasting laksah in one of the hawkers here so I'm giving laksa another chance -- I just don't know when, though. Now I know some of you are scratching your head figuring out what in the world is laksa and ban mian, so here's a brief description (for more details, use Google).

Laksa - it's a noodle dish, with soup made of coconut milk, chilli, and I suppose something else -- some special laksa flavor, kind of like curry powder in curry sauce. The one that I tried today had bean sprouts, tofu (which I didn't touch because I don't like tofu), fishcake slices and oysters (which is the best thing about it, for me at least). The noodles resemble spaghetti, but softer. Goes well with sambal chilli.

Ban Mian - also a noodle dish, but the fetuccine-looking noodles are handmade so it tastes a bit different from your usual instant noodles. Each hawker has its own way of making the soup stock that I can only give you an example: boiling chicken bones or using chicken cubes. I like my soup to be oily and a little bit thick in consistency. What goes in it: ground meat, ikan bilis (dried little fish), pechay, and one whole raw egg. Yum! And I just found out that it tastes even better with chilli, like the one they serve with chicken rice. I had one bowl last Friday for lunch, and another one last Sunday and another one yesterday. Like, I just crave for it whenever I see a hawker center. God knows how much cholesterol I'm taking in with each bowl. Will probably have another one next week -- in Malaysia!

Ooh, ooh! Have I told you that I'll be going to Genting, Malaysia? No? Well, I am! Those long practices for choir lately? That's because we're competing in the International Choral Festival, which will be held from Dec. 15 - 19 in Genting, Malaysia! Can I be any more excited? I'm counting the days. Because of all the fun things I planned on doing with my one week off from work, I tend to forget that we're going there primarily to compete. Hee, silly me. But I am going to enjoy myself, competing and whatnot.

So, detour, detour. I wanted to say today's lunch was fun because I had STH and Berilacchub to join me. After eating lunch, we all agreed that we could use some more food. So I suggested trying that coffee stall that serves kaya toasts, which, naturally, us being foreigners, we haven't tried. That coffee stall (Ya Kun Kaya Toast Coffee Stall) turned out to be a famous one since its history dates back to 1950. Imagine! 53 years and it's still around! In typical Joycie fashion, I ordered coffee, or as it was indicated in the menu, Kopi-C (coffee with milk and sugar), and traditional kaya toasts (to differentiate it from other variations of the kaya toast e.g. butter-sugared kaya toasts). I was shocked that STH and Berilacchub did not know what kaya is. Shocked, I tell you! Okay, kaya is basically a sweet, pasty mixture extracted from ... from, okay, I don't know exactly from what? But it's from a plant. Ooh! I just asked my IA friends and kaya is actually made from coconut! And eggs! It just occurred to me: kaya is like kalamay back home. And thanks to that, I now miss it. Okay, back to kaya toasts. I don't know how they toast the bread but I'm sure their toasters are not the ones we commonly have at home. It's crumbly but soft (the toast, not the toaster). Love the toast. There's butter in it, too. Kind of like the surprise element to it. Because you nibble and nibble until your taste buds get accustomed to the kaya taste and then suddenly, hello! Buttery taste! Yummy! And the best part? The coffee. Love the coffee. And it's cheap, too. Only $1.20! I now have a place of refuge whenever the craving for caffeine kicks in (which is kind of like everyday).

(Stopped writing here because it's time to get off from work! Woo! Woo. Am tired. Following was added the next day.)

Today was remarkably fast. Also, no choir practice! Love today.

December 10, 2003

Wednesday

This morning it rained. Hard. I almost chickened out going to work today. But of course, we know that I couldn't skip work. Reason: I just couldn't. I'm not allowed to take an unpaid leave (yes, unpaid) because it's the company's policy not to allow IA -- Industrial Attachment -- students to miss work for a day without a valid excuse. So, unless "raining very hard, rather stay in room" is a valid reason, there's no way I could take a day off today. Plus, I suck at making up excuses, let alone valid ones. So: here I am. Working.

Just found out that most of my fellow IA students (those who I hang out with, anyway) will not report to work starting from Dec. 30 until Jan. 2, the last day of attachment. Now, if I may be so selfish, this is bad news. While they're enjoying themselves, discontinuing IA for good, I will be hanging around in the office on those dates! With no one to talk to! It's BAD, I tell you. So you ask, why don't I take leave on those days myself? Yes, why not? I obviously haven't thought of that. Of course, I have! (Why do I sound angry?) I just couldn't take any more days off. See, I'm only allowed 4 days leave. I will use all of those 4 days for my Genting trip. And since that trip will incur 5 days, I am left with no choice but to apply for one day of unpaid leave. They didn't question said unpaid leave because representing the university for a competition is so a valid reason.

Anyway, I'm preparing myself for the inevitable -- starting with ... positive thinking. Three days shouldn't be too bad. Yes, it won't be. And since when did I become so needy?

I think it's significant to note that I haven't had a cup of coffee today. I've been thinking about it, but I intend to make this day a coffee-free day. Such rarity is worth celebrating! Let's drink coffee! Um. Okay, I forgot. Coffee-free day. Had a Dory moment there.

December 11, 2003

Thursday

Now that my attachment is ending, I think it's okay to talk about my workplace. It's big. It has a rooftop, where we took photos because really, how many companies have their own basketball court at the rooftop? None? Can't think of any? Exactly.

From the Rooftop, Shout It Out!

When I first went up to see the rooftop, it was love at first sight. It was windy and when normally I'd be cross about my hair being blown about in every direction, like it's trying to suffocate me, I was surprisingly calm. The wind was my playmate and the rooftop, my playground. The first visit went by so fast I just stood at one spot and took in the view -- traffic, trees, HDB flats -- okay, not much of a view, but still, a view. I should've seen more but I didn't. There wasn't time (this was during lunch break) plus, I don't know. I guess I didn't want to take everything in at one go. It's like cheesecake. You love it so much you want to savor each forkful. You let each bite linger, allowing it to melt in your mouth, indulging your tastebuds, until finally, you swallow before gratefully taking in another bite. Sadly, some good things never last (And I'm not about to sing that Vanessa Williams song. Okay, maybe a little.). Soon, there'd be nothing left but memories, which will slowly and inevitably, fade with time. And we are left with no choice but to move on, live, experience, and in the process, create more memories -- the cycle goes on. Life is so funny.

Okay, from rooftop, cheesecake, Vanessa Williams (ah, a possible Google search phrase), to life -- how weird is my thought process? I guess that's what happens when you have nothing to do but think.

{ joycie at 3:09 p.m.}